yearzerowriters

Thoughts, plans, ideas – Tuesday 5th January, 2010

In Gupter Puncher/Oli Johns on January 8, 2010 at 1:10 pm

‘Yesterday I wrote four pages. I wrote them as therapy, but not without thinking they might be read.’ – Jose Maria Arguedas, The fox from up above and the fox from down below [A short while before he shot himself to death.]

 

 Magazines/places to send Gupter mags to?

The Believer

Aintitcool

Nylon mag

Barca review

Village Voice

Barca Review? Fuck them, they don’t deserve it…they’ve had two of my mags and given nothing back…who the fuck do they think they are? I’ve read their shit…little arty technique pieces or whatever they are…no way I’m gonna head that way…Cassavettes, Oli…learn his fucking lesson and shun them…

The rest of them are the same too…but gotta pretend and get them to write something about us…not that they will, precious cunts…Dave Eggers and his little San Fran throne room…he thinks I’m gonna sit down and lick his fucking feet…suck his heartbreaking work of staggering dick, whatever…no fucking chance…I’m better than he’ll ever be…

Fuck it, just send the letters and mags….see what they do…need more places though…

Ask Daisy and others for advice where to send…

Send 4-5 mags with each letter?

Send to Richie, Monica, Roland, Aya?

Fuck Aya, she’s not even delivering, is she? And Jay can go fuck himself. He’ll deeply, deeply regret treating me this way…when I’m a somebody and he’s a fucking schmuck whinging about not doing anything with his life…well, schmuck, I gave you a shot, but you didn’t fucking take it, did you?

I think he knows it now…he knows I’m going somewhere and he’s too late to hop on…not that he’s got my kind of talent…nor Bruiser…they wish they did, but they don’t…so fuck them both.

What else?

The Korean model story? Is there a story there?

I went a bit loose with the Nick Nolte piece, maybe it’s a stretch too far to go that way again…a guy going back in time and saving her from killing herself…is it too much? I could just keep to the details of it, keep the fantasy on the side…so he goes back and has to figure out things like how to contact her and what to say when he does…what would he say?

What the hell do you say to someone who’s set on killing themselves?

I guess there are layers to it…or different tactics for different types…

What does that mean? Fuck, I had it a minute ago…gotta think…

It’s all gonna slip away, Oli…I’ll be sitting here one day and it just won’t happen anymore…and I’ll try and think of how it used to happen, but it won’t be clear…it’s never clear…how does it work?

The idea…

Then the idea into a scene…in my head…

Then…the scene…I write out the scene?

Fuck, how?

It’s reducible, everything is…I’ve just gotta think harder and reduce it…think it into little pieces…

The scene in my head…that’s where it starts…Nick Nolte on the train to St. Petersburg…he’s on the roof of the train and the other guy’s behind him, and….then what? I write down that image…simple language, nothing fancy to distract me…then what? I thought about the train and Nick Nolte and then…Peter and the Wolf…looking to the side and seeing Peter and the Wolf…

But where the hell did that come from? Peter and the Wolf…why?

It’s Russia? I told myself to think of Russian things? Then I brought in Warren Beatty in Reds…that part’s ok, I can understand it…where it comes from…but the rest?

Where did Peter and the Wolf come from? Why did I think of that?

Experience…ok, yeah…but why that?

Was I searching for it? Does this shit happen without me…am I doing anything?

Fuck it, this is too far…I’ve gotta take some responsibility for this…what I write, don’t I?

Determinism…Voluntarism…read more about them? Wiki?

What else?

Year Zero…it’s going well right now…not top of the world well but we’re making progress I guess…not sure we’re all on the same page though…are we?

The Gupter mags will get some attention…maybe…I guess they haven’t really lit anything up the last couple of times…even though the last one was fucking incredible…best fucking work I’ve done…ha and who gives a shit?

How can people pick it up and not know what they’re reading…how fucking good it is?

Maybe they do and it’s just jealousy…or the delivery method…they think I’m a schmuck and I can’t write…those cunts at HK mag and Time Out are all fucking laughing at me…fuck them, what can they write? Fucking coffee shops and shopping on the island…nothing about Kowloon…nothing about the scummy parts…that’s what I am…I’m the scum general and I don’t give a shit…they’ll all see it soon enough…when I get a bit of spotlight they’ll all come begging…that fucking Jizz Zhang…she’ll be on her knees begging for my time….sorry Jizz Zhang, I don’t know you….who are you? Fucking name dropping little prom bitch…private school nobody…two bit nothing writer…I don’t even care…why do I even put her name in?

Year Zero…

It’ll happen…Dan’s right…2010…end of the year then let’s see where we are…

What if no one notices though?

Dan’s active and a good guy, but…I don’t know…people respond to him, but do they, really?

Daisy’s a better bet to get our market…

Daisy…fucking hell she’s-…

[Text missing]

I guess I’ll see what’s what in eight or nine months…if I can wait that long…

Until then…what do I do?

Nothing decent to pursue in HK…

Fuck Momo?

She’s eighteen…don’t do it, Oli…

But fuck it, who’s watching? No one else is lining up for me…why the fuck not? And she’s not that bad…a bit dumb, but she’s interesting…a mainlander being pushed down by HK…I can see the rest of her life in my head right now…won’t pass that HKCEE exam thingy…won’t get into form six, won’t have a fucking hope in life…how’s she gonna get any further?

It’s not her fault though, is it?

Maybe fuck her a few times then leave? She’s got a nice little body…

Problems – being seen with her outside…what if she’s wearing her school uniform…it’s embarrassing…what am I doing?

Where are all the good ones?

Fucking hanging with all those rich twats and that guitar hippy…fucking Adriana’s mate…he’s a clown….but they all flock to him…why? Because he’s in a band…but they just play covers…fucking Elvis Costello and Bowie…nothing but copycats…

So why him, not me?

Adriana’s done a hatchet job on me, I know it…she’s picked up my mag somewhere and told them what I did…or her version of it…I was a twat to her, but she didn’t understand…none of them did…I told them I wasn’t well, but they didn’t fucking listen…

Fuck them all, I wanna be alone…

And I’m not doing these readings either…I don’t care…I’m not getting on that stage and reading anything…I can’t…I get up there and it’ll start up again…the fucking sky will open…fucking eat me up…

Why am I like this? It never used to be this way…only a little bit…but it was never this bad…I acted in front of a hundred people…I walked into Hollywood studios and pitched…what the fuck’s happened to me?

It’s just too much…too many people here…too much…I don’t know…

No one gives a shit…

The mags…gotta get Gupter out there…do it this week, no excuses…then put something up on the blog…something humiliating…

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  1. looking good Oliver…getting personal Gupter-style…glad not to see my name on the list…ha ha…or maybe i’m in there under a code name

  2. I share your pain, brother. have a similar list of plans and ideas:-

    1. Write a letter to that agent.
    2. Do the washing.
    3. Tidy the study.

    Living on the edge, brother. Living on the edge.

  3. Josh – I don’t use code. Jay is one of my friends. The idea being to humiliate myself, not him. Even though he deserves it, the little shit. Ha…

    Richie – i’m calling you out on ‘the study’.

    Oli

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