yearzerowriters

Thoughts, ideas, plans – Monday 11th January

In Gupter Puncher/Oli Johns on January 13, 2010 at 6:37 pm

‘I think it’s only because I’m dispirited that I am speaking so “boldly.”’ Arguedas, Fox above and Below 

Arguedas…you amazing cunt….

What can I write now?

I’ve fallen in love with a dead Peru guy…how the fuck did he write like that?

Fuck, I’ve been waiting so long for this…that library was dry…and I picked it up before…and put it back down again…why?

Title was good…’Fox above and below’…

I thought he was a snob? Intellectual?

Why didn’t I read the first page…that suicide line…’I’m gonna finish this book then end myself’…

Fuck it, I’ve got him now…I wanna read a page a day…never finish it…

Better than Bukowski…Burroughs…Fante?

I don’t know…he’s writing my thoughts…exactly what I’m thinking…how did he know?

Suicide

Anxiety

Self as object

Fear of pain

What else?

He woke up every day in Peru…wherever he was…he felt the same things I do…this day’s gonna be a fucking struggle…

And he knew…he knew what the point was…

I wrote it as therapy, but not without thinking it might be read…yes…that’s a fucking line…that’s what I’m trying to do…

But I don’t think I can write anymore…

I wanna write, but I can’t…what?

Don’t wanna be like the rest of them…what’s the point?

I’m better than them…way fucking better…gotta show it…

Is the fox book gonna turn shit? The diary’s good, but it’s gonna change into the real novel soon…no more confessions?

Maybe I can write again if he turns shit…? But it won’t…he’s too fucking good…

Arguedas…you were me, but Peruvian…I don’t know how, but I know it…your words give you away…you hated Fuentes and Cortazar, didn’t you?

I wonder what they said about you…pricks…fucking snobs…what did Cortazar ever know about anything? Fucking nothing…

Wiki Arguedas…find Cortazar’s reaction? Gotta know…

Read up on his life…Arguedas…what did he do? Who did he see?

Did he fuck around with eighteen year old girls?

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  1. “But I don’t think I can write anymore…”

    That happens to me every time I read Les Chants de Maldoror. I think I will never top it, and if I can’t top it, why should I even bother?

  2. I have no idea what that book is.

    But maybe you topped it with Le Beat Dead?

    Or El Babs?

    Anyway, I think i might be able to top Arguedas and his fox book. The actual novel part of the book is ordinary, it’s just the diary entries where he bitches about life, suicide and Cortazar that make me swoon.

    Oli

  3. It’s like hell in the form of a book. Nah, didn’t top it with DB or Babs. But, maybe the next one.

    I don’t worry about you topping things — you always do. Most important: you top yourself consistently.

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