The shit of the world[that might not even be there]

In jenn topper on March 28, 2010 at 11:06 am


So, it’s not Oli this week, it’s Jenn. But we’ve still got pretty much the same format as before; Headline followed by shit comment.

Let’s start it off with Philly…

                         Cops in beating get jobs back, free FOP beer; Suspects were cleared, too

Philadelphia Daily News

March 24, 2010

Yeah ok the cops beat the shit out of three guys after chasing them. While I’m sure this happens all the time, you may remember that a news helicopter captured the entire beatdown on live television. For all to see. And yet, the grand jury didn’t find any culpability…even with the video coverage. 

And the funniest thing (ok, not like funny ha ha, the other kind of funny) is not that the Fraternal Order of Police threw them a party—necessarily—but that the newspaper provided more coverage on the free beer for the thug cops than the victims. Not that I’m seeking justice in journalism, far from it. It’s just that at this point I’m kind of curious about what happened to them because the headline says, “Suspects were cleared, too.”

So? What about those suspects? Nothing? Hrm. But we have details on the “bash,” “their comrades will toast them with free beer and munchies.” Munchies? Is that what they teach at Columbia Journalism school? Because I thought that was what we called the late night cravings after we got stoned in high school. And now I’m more curious about the evening’s catering: were there pigs in a blanket? I hope so. It’s not a party without pigs in a blanket. Crudités? Canapes? Or was it more of a buffet of the old favorites: baked ziti, chicken marsala, eggplant rollatini? Or was it just beer and Chex mix and a few pretzels or peanuts?

And I’m sure the beer was domestic.

                                                  New health insurance requirement … was GOP idea


March 27 2010

First they were for it, then they were against it. What, like they don’t pull that shit all the time in government, the dirty bastards?

So what are we supposed to do with these facts anyway? I mean, anyone with their head not up their ass knows it. We’ve known it for years. And for those older folks who wore Nixon buttons before it was cool—or Watergate—they remember his idea was a mandate for health insurance for everyone as an answer to the liberal’s call for government healthcare. And this is news? Will all things that I know already become news? What about mundane things like this:

Steven Speilberg has Asberger’s—All His Films Are Now Considered Stupid”


Dollar Bills Should Not Be Used For Sniffing Drugs, According to Barbara Bush”

Mitt Romney, the Republican runner-up to the presidential nomination, went as far as to launch a statewide program that mandates that all citizens have insurance coverage, was quickly forgotten once he rode off into the sunset of a book deal. But not by the people living in Massachusetts…and no one will listen to them anyway because they’re all liberals. (What’d they vote for a republican governor for, anyway?)

Does this mean that flip-flopping is ok? Poor John Kerry, a victim of flip-flopping allegations. He must be pissed, now. If flip-flopping was ok eight years ago he might be president now; which probably wouldn’t change a goddamned thing anyway. But still.

I’m not making a political argument. (Yes I am.) But it looks like the ‘pubs and their short memory have gone too far down the “Fuck this healthcare shit” to start whining that the sleazy democrats stole their idea and made history with it, so it’s too late to make that argument.

Or is it?

                                      A frail Dennis Hopper gets Hollywood star


March 24, 2010

A few things struck me about this story. First, as always, I’m the last to know about Hollywood stars’ goings on. Film fan I am. Celebrity stalker, far from it. So I see this pic of Dennis Hopper—a dude we all consider to be baaaad—like a rickety old gimpy grampa. Ew. I wasn’t aware he was battling prostate cancer. He’s 73. That doesn’t make a difference.

Rudy Giuliani (why didn’t he get frail? Instead he got more right-wing) had it and killed it when he was right in the middle of his political career. There are a shitload of celebs with prostate cancer, and none of them came close to looking like Hopper in this pic. Stormin’ Norman Schwartzkopf—hero and veteran general of the 1991 US Iraq war. Oh, wait, had he nailed it the first time, the US wouldn’t be bound up in the fucking quagmire over there now; so maybe the prostate cancer wasn’t such a mundane event. John Kerry had the surgery, too, and he’s alive and virile. Ok that’s an overstatement. But Colin Powell—he’s a guy we know is strong and healthy and full of stamina and influence. Except when he tried to tell the world that there were no WMD in Iraq and no one wanted to believe him so maybe it wasn’t such an ok thing. Harry Belafonte, he’s a big hero, right? Oh, wait, he’s not? He’s a fringe lunatic in his politics ever since he lost his voice? Well then I guess he doesn’t fit my argument, either.

What about Joe Torre—hero coach of the New York Yankees? He’s a born leader and will always continue to—oh, what? Steinbrenner canned him and how he’s 3000 miles away from his New York home coaching the Dodgers who haven’t seen a World Series ring since, er, uh. Next.

Bob Goulet? He had prostate cancer. I’m not sure he’s even alive, or ever really was.

Ok so maybe my argument isn’t so strong here.

The next thing that struck me about this coverage was that Viggo Mortenson was friends with Hopper for more than 20 years. I know he’s no spring chicken, but didn’t he only get famous like 5 minutes ago? What was he doing 20 years ago in Hollywood, waiting tables at Spago?

But here comes the juicy part (for those of you who don’t keep tabs on the stars): Hopper, 73, has a 7-year old daughter. Why the fuck do old guys insist on doing this? To prove their virility? I mean really, clearly this dude is going to croak any minute now and where does that leave the kid? That’s ok, she’ll be doing lines at the back of a club in a couple years anyway.

And finally, Hopper apparently filed for divorce from his wife recently? And he’s ‘too frail’ to appear at depositions his wife’s attorney requested for the proceedings but he can parade down Hollywood Boulevard and be honored for the placement of his star? Why is a terminally ill dude filing for divorce—but why is his wife contesting? What the fuck is wrong with Hollywood people?

And why do we only hear about men with prostate cancer?

  1. Yeah, Hopper was a surprise looking like that. I heard he had cancer and was trying to kick his wife out of his mansion, but I didn’t know he was that far along…

    I guess it’s weird talking bluntly about it, but if he’s gonna go at least he knows he’s had a decent life. Not that he’s gone yet.

    And I think he might’ve met Viggo on ‘The Indian Runner’. Was Hopper in that? But I don’t really get H-wood friendships. When do they hang out? And how often?

  2. H-wood is a fake town. Don’t mistake it for reality. Many do.

    I love the way you folks are bringing home the staging of the news.

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