yearzerowriters

Predators Vs Homoeroticism[via Danny Glover?]

In Marcella O Connor on July 25, 2010 at 2:30 pm

Err…warning, there might be spoilers for Predator 2[1991?] in this…

I tried to watch Predator 2. I told my husband that I had heard it was good and couldn’t wait to see it.

“Are you taking the piss?” he asked.

We sat down to watch it on surfthechannel and almost straight away I had to say it: “What the fuck is this?”

Jamaican voodoo gang? Really? As soon as I saw the blond guy in the suit, I knew he was going to die. I didn’t stay awake long enough to watch him die, though. I sort of lost interest.

So now…I’m not sure. I wanted to write a proper review, but I was too bored to actually go back and finish watching the film, so I just googled shit on it instead.

Have you googled Predators? If so, have you ever wondered, why the fuck is this alien wearing a cod piece? Or is that jock strap? Have you ever noticed how alien movies always feature aliens that look more or less like apes? Why don’t they ever feature a virus from space or some shit that looks like a giant jellyfish or cockroach? That would be way more scary than an ape in a cod piece.

I’m starting to think that maybe the ape-in-a-cod-piece-alien is some sort of representation of homoeroticism. Like the alien, with his super sexy, muscly bare legs and cod piece, is a bit scary because the kind of men who are attracted to these films are afraid of their own homosexual desires. That could also be why there were so many naked male bodies hanging from the ceiling in this film. Look closely at a photo of the alien in the newest film in the series. He’s wearing fishnet stockings.

Lads, what do you think? Next time you watch this film, imagine that Danny Glover is hunting down and being hunted down by his own homoerotic attraction to that really annoying actor playing the rookie. This is pretty much the only reading of the film that makes sense.

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  1. I liked Predator 2. Apart from the fight at the end, where Glover beat a Predator in hand to hand. I guess the Predator was hurt before the fight, but still…

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