The things we should’ve left in the fire [but didn’t]

In Gupter Puncher/Oli Johns on August 31, 2010 at 1:01 pm


What Mark Wahlberg did after ‘The Departed’…

He [Wahlberg] put the oscar nomination card next to the agent’s phone and sat down very close to them both. The way he imagined it, the nomination would send out positive waves of energy to the closest thing nearby, and the way he saw it, the agent’s phone was that very thing. So, this way nothing could go wrong. Nomination would lead to oscar, and oscar would inexorably lead to two, and then three, and four and…and pretty soon he’d have a whole centipede of them.


Sunday 4th May

I don’t understand what’s happening…

Can’t function. Can’t go out. It hurts to go out, to work, anywhere. What the fuck is happening??

Even sitting here, I don’t feel good. In a fucking cafe…what?

Gotta think…

If there’s a way off, there’s a way back on…gotta get back on…

I can’t…I don’t feel good…

Fucking stop looking at me you fat fucking cunt…get off that fucking table and get out of my fucking face…get out of my fucking cafe…

I can’t…


Top five fake-emotional moments on film:

5 – Undecided.

4 – Undecided.

3 – Star Trek: First Contact

Worf and Picard reconcile after Picard called him a coward. ‘YOU ARE THE BRAVEST MAN I’VE EVER KNOWN, WORF.’

2 – Prince Of Persia: Sands of Ben Kingsley

There are many moments of fake emotion here…the second brother trusting Gyllenhall then saving his life before dying. The woman letting go of his hand. The elder brother’s epiphany. But the biggest, and most awful, has to be Alfred Molina picking up the ‘dagger of time’ and eulogising about his SLAVE[!] [who sacrificed himself to get the dagger back]…’DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE DJBOUTSU TRIBE?’

1 – Independence Day

Randy Quaid tells his children he loves them then flies into the alien spaceship and explodes. ‘I’M BAAAAAAAAAAAACK.’



Jack Nicholson: A Theory

He’s outlasted Hoffman, Beatty, Hopper and a whole load of others.


Let’s pick him apart:

1 – He plays his age. [Or he played his age once. About Schmidt.]

2 – He always looks like he’s having fun. [He was having a great time in ‘The Departed.’]

3 – He’s close to the story. [ Months before Hopper died, there he was by his side. Ledger falls, and there he is with a quote. Were they close? Who knows?]

4 – There are enough good films behind him to make him unbreakable. [He did ‘The Bucket List’ and didn’t suffer from it.]

5 – He doesn’t need to work so much. [ It’s true, he just doesn’t.]

6 – His best films still get referenced. [ The Shining. Cuckoo’s Nest. Chinatown. They’re never far from some kind of media or entertainment.]

7 – Any more?


Wednesday 21st May

Confidence low again. How to build it back up?

Hunter went to the San Juan Star…maybe I could follow?

Anything’s better than here. Last night was too much. Won’t go out anymore. Who cares what they say? I don’t care. I can’t.

Build confidence? How?

Fuck it, I won’t. And even if I did, what’s the endgame? With more confidence I step on people. With absolute confidence, I’d be a monster.

Maybe it’s better to be like this…on my knees…pathetic…



The Two Faces of Jackie Chan

To the West: Innocent. Non-political. Non-sexual. Clown. Icon. Always smiling.

To the East: Playboy. Father of Illegitimate child. Nationalist. Triad Puppet. Embarrassment. Triad Prince. Clown.

To the Western Media: ‘Hahaha, hey, I don’t have a bad word to say about anyone.’

To the Eastern Media: ‘Chinese people need to be told what to think…what to do.’

‘ Hollywood is clearly racist.’

‘ American Film sees Chinese people as children.’

‘Do a DNA test, I don’t care. It’s not my kid.’


Today I went to the book shop and saw nothing but shit. Isn’t there something out there that can dig us out of this?

Eight Cuts Gallery Press.


Is the Dead Beat by Cody James really that good?

Yes. Yes, it is. 



The Box Office of The Expendables and what it means

  • Pack enough stars in and some people will turn up. You’ll make twice the money of an average film from one of those stars. Some people do want to see Stallone, Arnie and Willis in a scene together. Even if that scene is a piece of shit. Even if Arnie can’t act. Even if Willis is tired of it all. The audience wants Stallone to be more capable than he really is.


The Box Office of Knight and Day and what it means

  • Tom Cruise does not sell a movie by name alone. Neither does Cameron Diaz. The same number of people who will go to see a film because of them will also avoid the film because of them. The sum total of that is zero. Stars overwhelm the concept. Every fucking time. Is Tom Cruise dead as a leading man?


The Box Office of Scott Pilgrim Vs The World and what it means

  • No matter how clever or how constant the promotion is people won’t turn up. The audience was scared of the trailer. They didn’t know what they were watching. People don’t like to be told a film will speak to them. People don’t like to be told a film is hip. Hipper than hip even. The people who did see this can now smile and think themselves cult. Edgar Wright does not sell movies. Why not?


The Box Office of that shitty Julia Roberts film and what it means

  • Who gives a shit?



Previews of films coming soon[-ish] that you might wanna see


Blue Valentine

Ryan Gosling and Mish Williams. I know almost nothing about this film, but neither Gosling nor Williams would sign up for a piece of shit.

Scott Pilgrim Vs The World

$10,000,000 at the US Box Office, someone’s gotta go see it. Save Ed Wright from limbo.

Green Hornet

It’s Gondry, it’s Rogen. You should at least be curious.

The Fighter

Wahlberg and O Russell again. Plus Bale. Wahlberg seems to think it’ll be good [“Man, I think it’ll be pretty good”- Mark Wahlberg, Variety, July, 2010].


Monday 16th June

Don’t have many friends left now.

Life seems to be conspiring against me. Or life doesn’t seem to be doing anything. Confidence shot. Haircut the symbol of my fall. Mui Wo, the final slap in the face.

Shouldn’t have gone out again.

My fucking head…

What’s happened to me?


Freedom of the Individual

Four billion people step onto a train. Go to work. Go home. Pay the bills. Choose carefully what to say, when to say it. Wear clothes. Buy a house. Obey their age. Get old. Die.

There’s a scale for this.

Either/Or? You’re either free or you’re not?

No. There IS a scale for this.


I’m not sure. Levels or percentages? This person is 27% free, this other one, 62%?

Scale of an individual’s freedom [compiled with data from Camus and friends]:



Story of the Day: ‘Oh my bruig’

[Written by Kelvin Lau [Kelvinism], 14 years old]

One day, the man walk the bruig [bridge] and see the people make the movie. He go to the bruig [bridge] and wanting to make movie to the movie people so the movie people making him on the bruig [bridge] with camera and long time pass until movie finished. The movie is very great and two hours is on the bruig [bridge] for this is all of movie. Finally, everybody died.

Supplementary notes for ‘Oh my bruig’

The Bridge

  • A symbol of crossing over.
  • Of being above something, a situation or an event [the water].


The Movie

  • There is always something beyond the scene…any scene.
  • The fiction of lives is limitless. The curtain can always be pulled back further.


The Man

  • He has no name, no identity. Yet he wants to be watched.
  • He is not described in any way. He could be anyone, even a woman.


The Movie [again]

  • There is no plot. A naturalistic technique?
  • But in life there is always a plot. Jumbled maybe, but it is always there.
  • What is the meaning of this movie?
  • A freezing of the present?


The Ending

  • The truth of life? Everybody dies, and everybody dies abruptly.
  • Who kills them? Unknown. To the killed there is no killer as they have been killed.
  • Why do the film-makers die?
  • Because…
  • Because beyond the film there is nothing. They follow their subject into the abyss.



  • Death in film is a fraud.
  • Real life rarely plays out this way.
  • We die when our stories are long since finished.
  • Unless we die dramatically?


Final Conclusion

  • This story is so good, the reader has no choice but to be intimidated.



[The Illusion of] Multiple Choice


Q: Why will Paul Rudd never truly make it as a lead?

A: He picks bad films.

B: He picks one good film then three bad.

C: He’s not good enough.

D: Someone is blocking him.

E: His face is seven out of ten, and it can only do comedy or agitation.


Q: Why do writers have to suffer for their art?

A: It’s a myth, they don’t.

B: They’re full of shit.

C: They’re too average to write their lives in an interesting way therefore they have to make their lives dramatic or external and write that.[See: Carlos Fuentes.]

D: John Cassavetes.

E: It’s the only deal on the table.


Q: How far can John Cusack fall?

A: He’s not that bad, give him a break.

B: He’s not falling, he’s exploring.

C: Stallone 1994-2006.

D: He’ll never have to beg.

E: All the way.


Sunday 22nd June

The future?

If I have one…

There are fourteen people out there…maybe fifteen…that I want to, and will someday, take my revenge on. It’s the only thing left. And they all fucking deserve it.

I can’t wait.



Ed[Norton]’s such a great guy, y’know? And such a joy to work with, and so talented. I mean, wow, I go to work some days and just look at him and think, man, you’re so talented.”

Cameron Diaz, interview for upcoming Dostoevsky adap ‘The Devils’.

Number of people who will read this quote: 2,450,500,000


A year ago today, Year Zero was launched.

  1. Polanski picked up the 13-year-old victim at her house and took her to Jack Nicholson’s home for a modeling shoot. eerie conincidence…

  2. He’s always close to the story, ne?

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