Archive for October, 2010|Monthly archive page

The Long Kiss Goodnight [or 2 months at least]

In Uncategorized on October 19, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Gupter Puncher is disappearing for a while.

Maybe a couple of months. I’m not sure.

I’m going to look for the castle in The Fearless Vampire Killers, the castle in the snow, and it may take some time.

It’s such a beautiful castle.

Or it was such a beautiful castle in 1966, when the film was done. I don’t know what it looks like now. I don’t even really know where it is.

I think it’s in the Dolomites.

If someone knows any different, let me know.

Gupter Puncher will return in print around January. Read the rest of this entry »

Bosnian pr*gnant rape Angel**a zombies with guns!

In Marc Horne on October 18, 2010 at 4:33 pm

Many of the women around here – in fact, most – look a lot like happy pigs in lady clothes and gold jewels who know how to do that ballet walk, that fancy walk where you kind of hang your leg out in front of you before you put it down. There are black ones, white ones and brown ones but the one thing that they all have in common is the succulent plumpness of their calves.

These are among the things I have noticed while hanging out in this scratchy little abandoned lot waiting for people to get their zombie makeup put on. I kick a little stone at the sign that says Hollywood Production Company.

“How much you think they paying for this lot? Who would pay to film in an abandoned lot? The like…economics of this shoot are… They are decadent. And by extension… y’know.”

We don’t have any of those plump ladies with their little bags of lunch here on this lot. This lot is post-apocalypse, man. The plumpies got eaten on day one. Or hid out until they looked ragged and wild. With no food, shaking scared: I bet they could practically watch themselves shrink. Thousands of dollars of takeout food sweating out on the floor.

We are all bony now. I’m not a zombie, I am a priest. But when I got here, I had been cast as a zombie. That’s how this director thinks – I got Inside his mind now, see. The priest or the zombie: it’s all just a coin toss to this character. Read the rest of this entry »

The Hyena from the sky and the Hyena from underground

In Gupter Puncher/Oli Johns on October 13, 2010 at 10:22 am



Hold on to that anger…hold on and hold on until there’s no breath left in your-…



Date Night. Will And Grace. Ben H Winters. Sea monsters. Android Karenina. The Other Guys. Will Ferrell. Marky Mark. Ari Gold. Entourage. Who’s that guy? Fuzzy hair. Movie star. No charm. No grace. Hollywood. Deadwood. Olyphant. Ian McShane. Where’s his gun? Where’s his brain? Shakespeare. Different words. Sounds good. What’s he say? No one heard. Method One. Write a plot. Method Two. Craft some words. Method Three. Odd-ball. David Lynch. Jim Jarmusch. Czech Alice. Puppeteer. What’s his name? Method Four. My script. Any good? Yes, it is. Any Good? Piece of shit.


…it wasn’t good, it wasn’t bad, and there wasn’t one there were seven of them, or eight of them, I can’t remember now, but four were good and four were bad, and three of the four that were good weren’t really that good, or not good enough, and one of them was Knifeman, and Knifeman’s not a name to call a film, not if you want it made, not if you want people to listen to you. But Knifeman, I liked it, and the people who didn’t like it, they didn’t know anything. They didn’t know what Knifeman was, what Knifeman really was, and they never could because they have no soul, they have no soul in there, and only someone with a soul can understand something like Knifeman. Read the rest of this entry »

Tuesdays With Racism [Reviews]

In Gupter Puncher/Oli Johns on October 8, 2010 at 1:44 pm

These reviews are a little late.

When you’re a nothing magazine made on Microsoft Word and free and read by five people [three of them me], it takes time for the publishing people to send stuff to you.

I don’t know when ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’ came out, but I’m pretty sure it’s not upcoming. And I’m pretty sure this review is-…

Actually I don’t really have much to write about it. Not my fault though…I think there were some pages missing.

There’s a picture of Hank Azaria on the front cover…huh?

They’ve made a movie already?

I don’t know. I guess they wouldn’t just randomly select Hank to pose on the-…

Fuck it, let’s get on with the review. But not really a review, more a question and answer session. Read the rest of this entry »

The other, OTHER side of HK Film [Part One]

In Gupter Puncher/Oli Johns on October 5, 2010 at 10:44 am

Stool Pigeon (2010)


Hong Kong is not in love with film.

I know this because I live here. I’ve lived here for over four years. When I walk in and out of cinemas and cafes next to cinemas and talk to people who wear t-shirts with Klaus Kinski and Paris, Texas all I hear is the same old shallow shit. And I don’t really understand anything they say to each other, but I know it’s not about Kubrick or the Rumanian New Wave or the Secret in their Eyes. They don’t care about this kind of thing. Art, I mean.

Or they might.

I don’t know.

I guess I shouldn’t underestimate them.


Fuck it, skip forward.


I’m sitting alone in a cafe on the fourth floor of some hidden building in Mong Kok…a cafe I heard the art director of Lust Caution comes to sometimes…

Not that I’m here because of him. I came here before I knew that, for my magazine. And I like the place anyway. I think.

The food’s pretty shit, actually. And this seat’s not very comfortable. Read the rest of this entry »