yearzerowriters

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Aventura no mas [Agua Caliente]

In Uncategorized on February 12, 2011 at 7:40 pm

Here we are, that’s Agua Caliente. Yes, I have many friends here.”

  • El Indio

 

There is no apple tree where they shot apples off the apple tree. There is no door where Indio surprised the colonel and shot the rifle out of his hand. There is no-…

There is a school where the Colonel opened the safe.

There are satellite dishes and cars.

There are children in adidas shirts.

When the chimes end, pick up your gun. Try and shoot me, Colonel. Just try…”

-El Indio Read the rest of this entry »

Green Hornet/Scott Pilgrim [SPOILER REVIEWS]

In Uncategorized on February 2, 2011 at 7:48 pm

green

 

I’m probably a little late with the Scott Pilgrim notes, but no one saw it at the cinema anyway so I might get away with it. Green Hornet is right now, so we’re good.

Actually, I’ve just checked and Green Hornet has been on release for a few weeks now. Fuck. And I’ve just based most of issue 8 of the mag all around that fucking film, and already it’s dated.

And now I’m writing notes on it. Does it matter?

I wonder what Seth Rogen thinks about all this?

[INSERT:

Seth Rogen sits alone in a cafe, slimmer than usual, and writes [in his Cheshire Cat notepad];

‘Outrun the backlash’…impossible?

Gotta make a plan…iron-tight plan…

Option 1: Flay Pineapple?

Could work…if people think I’m already down then they might let me stand back up? But…don’t they

kick when you’re down?

I don’t know, I think they might kick.

Expansion – Flay Pineapple and that other one…Jody’s film…no one really saw it, so bring it back up

in interviews and make them think i’m really down…like, on my knees down…begging like Haim…

Won’t they still kick?

He puts the pen in his mouth and looks around to see if anyone’s recognised him. Everyone seems busy,

distracted. One couple are complaining about Ryan Reynolds, the woman saying he’s treading water,

the man saying he shouldn’t be in the water in the first place.

The pen goes back down.

The fuckers always kick.

Don’t they know I’m trying here…?

Fuck it, they think they’re smart, but I’m smarter…I’ll show them some fucking brains…some fucking

brainwork… Read the rest of this entry »

Gupter Puncher Issue 8 [Preview]

In Uncategorized on January 13, 2011 at 10:13 pm

               Gupter Puncher is alive!

Gupter Puncher has returned from the desert highway of Los Albaricoques, and the snowy snow of Bolzano, and…LaCoruna…

…and somewhere along the way picked issue 8 of Gupter out of the dirt.

It will be in London, New York, and I don’t really know why, LA.

There will be:

Wahlberg on Wahlberg: Retrospective of Marky Mark’s films, including the one where he talks to a plant and pretends to know science.

John Cusack looking homeless

El Indio

Interview with a Hong Kong film director that no one outside of HK knows…

Review of Pirates 4

and The Adjustment Bureau

and Sucker Punch

and The Green Lantern

and Paul

and The Belgrade Phantom

and Confessions [a Japanese film]

and…

fuck i’m running out of computer battery…someone’s using the microwave in the hostel…gotta go.,..

The Long Kiss Goodnight [or 2 months at least]

In Uncategorized on October 19, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Gupter Puncher is disappearing for a while.

Maybe a couple of months. I’m not sure.

I’m going to look for the castle in The Fearless Vampire Killers, the castle in the snow, and it may take some time.

It’s such a beautiful castle.

Or it was such a beautiful castle in 1966, when the film was done. I don’t know what it looks like now. I don’t even really know where it is.

I think it’s in the Dolomites.

If someone knows any different, let me know.

Gupter Puncher will return in print around January. Read the rest of this entry »

Eight Cuts Gallery Press [Promotional Reel]

In Uncategorized on September 26, 2010 at 4:23 pm

                                                

 

The Industry so far…

 

 

Interview with Junot Diaz [1]

Irony. If you can put it in a nutshell then it’s not worth saying. Y’know? And that’s ironic. Irony. The meaning of the word.”

 

 ****************************************

Bret Easton Ellis faints after self-describing “absolute, immortal importance” of new book, ‘Imperial Bedrooms.’

Johnny Franzen soaks up the acclaim for his new novel ‘Freedom’ at a press buffet in rich man’s New York. He talks of the ‘slavery of slaves’ and how his book can save pretty much everyone, even plants.

‘Alien the Obscure’ by Thomas Hardy and Blinky L. Frostern is released. Title left unexplained.

Hong Kong model Jessica C finishes her first novel, ‘Pretty Bitch’. She tells journalists she feels “so tired” after writing “so hard” for “so long”, and is looking forward to just “being pretty again.”

 

 **********************************************

Agents insist the market is booming.

The market remains unavailable for comment. Read the rest of this entry »

Jet Li Vs Somali Pirates Vs Dolph the scientist Vs the increasing regularity of other people’s suicides…

In Uncategorized on September 19, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    Don’t really have much of anything to do at the moment.Gotta save cash and don’t have many friends so can’t really get out there and live life in any interesting way…Don’t wanna write anything right now as I’m getting sick of what I write…i should just write really short things…only one or two pages about something I’ve seen…

    Write something about The Expendables?

    The direction Stallone gave to various people?

    Lundgren? Statham? Eric Roberts?

    Is there a story there?

    I could mention that Jet Li interview I read last night…about the representation of Islam and how he talked Stallone out of using muslims as the bad guys at the start of the film…because not all muslims are bad guys, and they always seem to be played as bad guys…

    So, use Somali pirates instead…that’s what he said…what Jet Li said…

    There are no hero pirates in Somalia, I guess… Read the rest of this entry »

‘Charcoal’ [My new book] Vs Publication!

In Uncategorized on July 28, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Earlier this year I wrote a miserable book called ‘Charcoal’, about a guy trying to save a Korean model from suicide.

Good news, it’s been picked up and will be published in October by Eight Cuts Gallery Press.

I’ll put up more info about that sometime in September
Also…

If you wanna buy my other book [Benny Platonov – a guy trying to save the homeless in HK], which was released through YEAR ZERO  then you can now get it at:

After School, Causeway Bay – there are five copies there, but the owner said books sometimes get stolen. Will mine be next?

Joyce is not here, Soho, Central – seven copies here…

Kubrick Cafe, Yau ma Tei – six copies, next to Bolano’s ‘Savage Detectives’ I think…

Albion Beatnik, Oxford, UK – Never been to this place and have no idea why they have my book, but they do, so…

If you don’t know where any of these places are, or if you had a really shit experience in one of them and can’t face going back, you can buy online here:

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/benny-platonov/6214867?productTrackingContext=search_results%2Fsearch_shelf%2Fcenter%2F2

I gotta warn you that the online version is expensive, and the book itself is an overwritten piece of shit, but it has a great quote on the back…

What else?

There will be a new magazine out at the end of August…on the front cover there will be Bill Murray and Japanese people…

Oli

Coming Soon[ish]: Predators!

In Uncategorized on July 15, 2010 at 4:35 pm

Predators is out.

And it’s not shit. In fact, it’s pretty decent.

So Gupter Puncher’s gonna write some stuff about it. And hopefully it won’t just be me either.

We’ll see.

Oli

The Three Coreys

In jenn topper, Uncategorized on March 18, 2010 at 12:00 pm

coreys three

It’s not that the world needs another Corey Haim (or Corey Feldman or whoever the fuck just killed himself) nostalgic piece of schlock, but it’s those personal experiences that can sometimes be compelling. Those stories you won’t hear about on Access Hollywood or read on TMZ are the ones that, well, right, there’s a reason you won’t see them there and you’ll see them right here at Gupter Puncher.

It was the summer of 1993 and Sixth Avenue in the West Village hadn’t been regentrified quite yet in Giuliani’s “quality of life campaign”. No Urban Outfitters, no Barnes & Noble, and no fucking Starbucks in existence. Just pure crackheads, schizoid homeless bag ladies, and a New York version of NAFTA set up along the street with people selling anything they could: string, used tampons, keys, sequined jackets, mismatched Adidas size 12. Those were the days.

We spilled out of the bar at kickout time, 3:45 am, when they turn on the ugly lights, in search of food–the usual routine. Aching for something fruity after 7 hours of drinking yeasty, we agreed on Grey’s Papaya King for a papaya drink and 2 hot dogs, the recession special at $2. Making our way through the crowd of hustlers, drunks and cops we grabbed our order and a couple of stools at the counter to enjoy the show. And that’s when we saw Corey. Read the rest of this entry »